Holding on to time… before it escapes me.

Two weeks. Two posts.

Given I have thrown my lot in with the Postaweek2011 initiative, I am more or less on track. However, it’s not been as I had hoped, at least not the last few weeks. More specifically, I am concerned that my time is slipping from under me. Nothing too catastrophic, mind you, but I feel the need to call it out – mainly to myself, as a reminder of why I am doing this; how writing, as a form of investigation and expression, is how I can continue to be kind to myself.

I still believe it.

The biggest offender is work. On second thoughts, the biggest offender is me, not being able to manage the encroaching demands of work on my personal time. I can see it coming, and I’m naming it, hoping the universe will be kind and supply me with just a little more awareness and tenacity.

So consider this a stopgap post. A way to witness me trying to re-group and re-confirm my committment to this little journey.

Until the next post.

My head’s in the Cloud[s]…

I love the whole “Cloud Tag” concept (the section on the right margin of this blog titled, “stuff I rant about.”). It provides a nice visual representation of the most used tags in, well, anything that accepts tags, really! In my case, it’s this blog (and my previous blog too!). It is, quite literally, a dynamic representation of how I’m structuring my thoughts in a public forum, if you really insist on ascribing that much ‘intent’ to my ‘structure’. I think that over time it could reveal some interesting (or perhaps disturbing) trends in my blogging pre-occupations.

To explore that possibility further I took a screen shot of my blog’s Cloud Tag on April 21, 2011, just to see where my mind had spent most of its blogging time. Mind you, at that time I had only published six posts.

That paints a nice, clear picture and, given my predilection with the whole notion of contentment vs. melancholy, there are no real surprises here.

A few days ago I decided to take a follow-up screen shot of the Cloud Tag on this blog. The screen shot was taken 2nd May, about two weeks after the first, and four posts later (a total of ten published posts as at 2nd May). Once again, not a huge statistical sample, but nevertheless you can see the Cloud begin to ‘move.’

The ‘postaweek2011’ tag sticks out like a sore thumb, but that’s not surprising, as it now get tacked on to the end of every post, given I’ve made that commitment (remember?). What’s interesting to me, though not wholly unexpected, is how the size of the previously quite large tags have now decreased in size relative to other, emerging tags. Thankfully, that suggests a couple of things:

– First, I’m not totally obsessed by melancholy, or even contentment.

– Second, my pre-occupations seem to have diversified. I am beginning to think and share thoughts on other topics, like Energy, Passion, Renewal.

What a relief.

What fascinates me even further is that, if I took a screen shot every couple of weeks during my blogging lifetime, I would in essence be capturing a visual representation of my ongoing ‘thought bubble’ – a snapshot of whatever may have been on my mind between two, or more, points in time. Conceivably I could look back at a cloud tag for a particular date and be reminded of whatever axe I was grinding at that point. Of course, I could likewise be reminded of this by simply reading through previous posts, but this strikes me as a much simpler (lazier?) way of mapping my journey and (hopefully) development through certain ideas, concepts, discussions and emotions in a way that not only highlights the frequency of the topics themselves, but also their intensity in relation to whatever else I’ve had on my mind during that time.

Sounds geeky, I know, but I’m learning to embrace my inner geek. Keep your eye on that cloud.

Time to show some real commitment.

Four weeks, six bona fide posts. Seven if you count this one (enjoying a brief self-reflexive moment, right there).

Not a huge body of work, but a start. So now it’s time to step it up. Enough tinkering around the edges of commitment.

My intention, my plan, my [gulp] commitment, is to post something at least once a week, but no less.

As much as I love the thought that someone might be even remotely piqued at the thought of what’s to come, I return to my original motivation for creating this collection of random thoughts:

Be kind to yourself…

And so, in the spirit of self kindness, I’ve signed up to the whole Post-a-Week ‘movement’ of 2011.

OK, perhaps I’ve ennobled it a little. It’s not really a movement, but an initiative by the WordPress folk to encourage people to blog more, and drive increased internet traffic through their site. Too cynical?

Whatever their intent, mine is clear.

So here goes…

Perhaps I can aspire to get my blog on the “Best in Postaweek2011” Blog? (Just click on the ‘badge’ above to check it out.) I’ll need to shake off that cynicism first, I’m sure. Given I’m totally buying into it, I raise my hand and call “Amen!” Cynicism gone.

In the meantime, thank you for at least walking this far with me.

Lets hope we can both go the distance.

Long time coming

It is ironic, but I doubt uncommon, that any attempt to write down thoughts and experiences for the purpose of furthering my own self awareness and well-being, should have been weighed down by months – actually, years – of procrastination.

I know I should eat my greens, but instead I substitute these for other tasty, but rarely healthy alternatives, of an altogether different hue, let alone the same colour spectrum.

Exercise is another. We know full well its potential health benefits, but sitting in front of the television, snacking on something whose colour is yet to be defined, often seems like a less complex option. And we are often very tired after a hard day’s work, or a restless night’s sleep. Besides, “No pain, NO pain,” is as good a parallel motto as any.

And so we come to this blog.

Writing, for me, is very much a therapeutic exercise, a process of creating order out of the chaos of my thoughts and feelings. I enjoy it and it is, without doubt, a most effective mechanism for my own self-expression – a way of being kind to myself.

And this is what I’d like this blog to be. Not about anything in particular, but simply a process by which I can get things out of my system, out into the world, and up for you all to see. Feel free to challenge, agree, disagree – whatever. Just don’t take it too seriously, OK? That request refers to your comments as much as it does my blog.

I’m certainly  not promising any earth shattering insights. After all, if I were to be brutally frank, I’m doing this for me, and no one else. Having said that, happy to share the ride with as many fellow travellers as want to join me.